There are ANTS in my keyboard...aaaaaaargh

No shit.
ANTS.
Lil tiny black ones.

Periodically one makes a mad dash across my screen as well. Despite my respect for virtually all creatures I am forced to extinguish their little lives.

WTF are they doing there?

I cleaned the keys with Q-tips and alcohol (not the drinking kind). Okay, okay the keys needed cleaning anyway.

I even splashed about a quarter of a glass of iced tea (accidentally) on the keyboard today, thinking afterword there should be a little swell of drowned ant bodies. But noooooooooo..

Any tips fellow bloggers? Should I burn sage? Lead them to a small cup of beer? <--- Hey, it works with slugs. I'm up for almost any remedy unless it includes Aqua-Net 'cause that would pretty much kill off the keyboard entirely.

WILL DURST - The "Staycation"

The terrific political comedian Will Durst posted this on the SF Gate website (from the San Francisco Chronicle) today and I thought it was a wonderfully snarky tribute to Memorial Day and all the summer holiday time to come.

Staycation Fun

Its harder than frozen bratwursts to believe we've reached the end of May already, but there it is- Memorial Day- delivering a swift kick in the buns to any lingering memory of a very ugly winter. And the mustard rises on another summer. Co- incidentally, gas prices continue to spike. Again. Hey, alright. Just in time for travel season. What are the odds? Of course, none of us have the money to go anywhere. So, there is good news.

But we Americans would rather spread kim chee on a tofu hot dog at a dental office than give up our summer vacation. Even considering fiscal conditions that are uglier than naked rugby in the rain sponsored by the AARP. So, once again its time to trot out that old Chamber of Commerce chestnut: the Staycation.

We all know the program: Due to incredible brokeness, we go to great lengths to fool ourselves into thinking that we're embarking on a festive pleasure trip while not actually traveling anywhere. Self- delusion as a budgetary exercise via local tourista escapading. A brave attempt to make lemonade out of surplus lemons infested with a greenish mold and spider mites.

The problem with most folks planning a Staycation, is they focus on all the high points of landmarks- visiting and unfrequented restaurant- frequenting but forget to include all the little moments that truly distinguish memorable holiday excursions. So allow me to help with a couple of handy hints to keep in mind when replicating the ultimate resort experience from the comfort of your own couch.

How to Perfect Your Family's Fun Filled Staycation.

Pack luggage like you're really headed on a trip, then pick a piece to misplace for the duration. Rip off one end of a handle to complete the simulation.

Duplicate inevitable airport delay by wasting four hours at a 7/ 11.

Listen to Bjork's Medulla CD on headphones at high volume as if the airlines sat you next to a screaming infant. Repeat.

Sit on curb outside your house for 90 minutes because your room isn't ready yet.

First night of Staycation, drink way too much upon arrival and pass out on bathroom floor by 10 pm.

Set alarm for 6 am to receive wake- up call for room next to yours. Knock on door at half hour intervals with cry of: "Housekeeping!"

Remain in bed most of the first day because of third degree sunburn received after falling asleep at the beach.

For full tropical experience, dump sand in your bed.

Watch a pay- per- view movie, then refuse to pay for it, citing lousy reception.

Ignore neighbors and friends by pretending you are your own long lost twin.

Eat at a strange restaurant and grunt and point at the menu, unable to speak the native language even if it's only Floridian.

Grind broken staples into your carpeting before walking around in bare feet.

Turn air conditioning off. It's broken. Call imaginary maintenance man who never comes.

Food poisoning. 3am. Sound like a match made in heaven? Oh, it is.

Every two hours, burn sixty dollars.

And finally, when time to end your Staycation, stuff all the soap and Kleenex into your bags. And a towel.

Will Durst is a San Francisco based political comic who writes sometimes. This is one of them. He's at the San Francisco Punch Line May 26- 30. 415.397.4337.

Or check out his Rooftop Comedy minutes: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst




BUT, do not think for a moment that I have anything but respect for the armed forces personnel of any altercation for what they do for the citizens' at home.

ADRIFT with no landfall in sight

No up
No Down
Like Space Garbage

Mood du jour
Order - UP!

Tillman - A Moment of Doggy Zen

A Prayer for STEPHEN HAWKING

As you may know, Stephen Hawking has been hospitalized and is very ill. Please join me in choosing the deity or form of faith you prefer and send a thought for his recovery.

Stephen, please don't go. We still need you.

Happy Birthday EARTH DAY

A recollection of the first Earth Day - 04.22.70
An unexpected tale of horror

I was living in Forest Knolls (gorgeous, green, damp, redwood-y, hippie enclave northwest of San Francisco) with my "old man", in a 1 bedroom cottage on a very wet creek in the woods. Magical it was. It was also a place where one had to scrape the mold off the bottom of your shoes -- the price for storing them on the closet floor.

Many hallucinogens were consumed. Much pot & hashish was smoked. Much music and art and babies were made. It was the most golden of the hippie years.

The Earth Day concept had filtered to us and through us via mostly word of mouth. We were becoming hyper-aware of our affect on the planet and that by changing simple, every-day behaviors (not to mention the huge ones) we could actually have at least a less negative impact on our precious Mother Earth. "Silent Spring" was a devastating tome. Recycling was recently thought of as do-able concept. Phrases like "carbon imprint" were not yet hatched. The whole way of thinking, on a large scale, was overall pretty damned revolutionary -- the planet's health as a personal responsibility.



As this new Earth Day concept loomed we were encouraged to take a look around our homes and lives and keep an eye out to tidy up. Whether that was cleaning-up one's own yard or a neighborhoods' coming together to pick-up a larger area, we were encouraged to honor our planet on that first Earth Day by doing a little grooming.

Armed with garden gloves and a rake I headed for the front yard by the gate to the driveway area where we kept our garbage can. The terrain was pretty uneven so we had commandeered 2 or 3 appliance-sized cardboard cartons, and had flattened them to make a big level surface so the can wouldn't tip over. This was rustic woods-dairy farms-hippie teepees kind of a location, so if you're picturing suburban cul-de-sac, adjust. Making a platform for the garbage can was a big deal (curb-appeal wise) in this funky setting. We battled the skill of the local raccoons to keep the can upright, and most of the time it worked and they actually couldn't get in it if the bungi cords were set taught and secure.

In any event, this cardboard platform had pretty much held its shape and function for months despite the moist earth below it and frequent rain, but it was rather limp and soggy. I knew I'd have to move it to really clean-up the area and had already made a mental note to find a replacement cardboard when I picked up the edge of the cardboard with both hands and swung it aside.

It was said that my screaming was heard in Palo Alto and I doubt that's true, but if there was blood to be curdled, my vocals would have done it.

Although it was at least 20 minutes before I could even glance at it again, what I saw was etched into my brain with a clarity, a repulsion and FEAR that has not wavered in 39 years and counting. When I swung that wet cardboard off it's semi-flat surface I revealed what had to be (and I'm really trying not to exagerrate here) multiple nests of at least 40 million baby SCORPIONS....moving and twitching and oh gawd I can't even go into it any further. I'm sure dear reader, that you'll understand.

Neighbors assembled drawn by my continuing screams, thus compounded the decibel level with their own screams as they saw it. A plan was formulated (a controlled burn) and executed which did succeed in ridding us all of a sizable chunk of the regions' young scorpions. But in the minds of all present, as well as my own, that sight of that moving carpet of hellacious, stinging critters are what the first Earth Day meant to us.

Norwegian Student Film Of The Day - NEMESIS

Thanks for the entertaining folk at EW.com for turning me on to this one.

8+ minutes and absolutely worth it!

Enjoy!